- Sensei Rawlins
If you think there will ever be a time that there are no bullies, you are kidding yourself.
There will always be people that want power and control. Some will assert it with professionalism others will use violence. Bullies use physical or verbal behavior to get what they desire. It's not that we need these "bullies" to go away, it's about learning how to deal with them. There are four basic steps to deal with them, the ABCs of self-defense:
A - Away - Walk away
B - Be Vocal - Talk your way out
C - Control - Control the only person you can: yourself
D - Defend - Defend yourself
These are also our steps to self-defense whether you are a kid or an adult, it's about resolving the situation in a way that benefits you. Sometimes, getting away from the situation is the best you can hope for. If you can get away without injury, physical or mental that is best. Being aware can help avoid a situation, when you sense that someone is having a bad day or is looking to pick a fight, go a different direction or be prepared. If you can walk away, do so, there may be a better time and place for the interaction.
In most cases talking your way out is the way to go. Not all situations can be avoided. For instance, if you are a child at school there isn't a way to completely stay away from a bully. Or at work, if it's a boss or a co-worker, you will need to deal with them eventually. What you say and how you say it will make a big difference. Reasoning with someone who is upset is a difficult task, so reading your audience is key.
It takes confidence to be able to speak to an assertive person or a bully. Breathing is key to helping you control yourself and make the best choices. Take time to breathe and think about what you are going to say, and how you are going to say it.
There are some times when D is the first step. Defense is the most important because you are important. You being safe is the most important thing in this world, to you. Defense is about keeping your computer safe. Without your brain it's difficult to be you. Put your open hands in front of your face as soon as you feel a threat.
Reading about self-defense is one thing, watching videos is another but experience is the best way to learn. Experience is the best way to see what fits you. Now, I don't recommend going out and picking a fight to see if you can defend yourself, or walking in a bad part of town late at night just to see if your skills work. Train. Train in an environment that is safe, so your body can learn more than your brain. In stress and chaos your brain is working on other things, it's your body that will do what feels right to you. Every school can teach you skills, and even when you have skills bad things can happen. It takes the will to DO something, anything to defend yourself. Find a school that empowers you, that gives you skills that you can use with ease.